The Pisces & The Scorpio (5)
Chapter 5: ENDING AND BEGINNING
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CHAPTER 5
For the past week or so before my date with Isabel, I was still texting with Alexa. We were negotiating her coming to live with me. For a girl with nothing, she sure wanted everything. The day before the date, Alexa was supposed to be going to detox again. And again she didn’t go. Immediately after the date, we continued to text. My mind was on Isabel, but for some reason I kept the Alexa thing alive. I was already completely wanting Isabel, but she made me feel like we wouldn’t be serious and just a temporary thing. I’m not blaming her for me not dropping Alexa immediately. However, it was frustrating that after such an amazing time, and the way I could sense that we felt about each other, that we would most likely only be friends with benefits. This disappointing feeling would assist me in making a few mistakes and would eventually turn into a form of resentment. Again, it was not Isabel’s fault. Looking back now, I made decisions that I would never make anymore. And for the first time in my life regarding a relationship, I feel guilty to this day. In the past year I have beat myself up over the mistakes I made from the start. I have analyzed everything and played it out all over again in my head. In a couple of chapters, I will reveal something that I never told Isabel. But I owe it to myself to be honest. Throughout this story I will reveal other things that I kept from Isabel. That’s the whole reason for writing this story. To get everything out from my point of view. Not so I can feel better or let myself off the hook. And not to reveal anything Isabel did to justify why I acted he way I did. This is my confession. It’s to expose me for being a hypocrite and a very hurtful person.
Alexa and I couldn’t come to an agreement about her coming to live with me. And this was at such a busy time in my life. My company was having huge issues (which will come into play later) and I was going through court hearings for another company I had. But I still wanted a girlfriend. Maybe I was feeling lonely. And now that I met Isabel, everyone else just seemed like a waste of time. I had failed trying to get Alexa well. Now I had met this incredible woman and my heart was slush and becoming vulnerable. This is something I hadn’t let happen or experienced since Kelli in 2000–2002. But here I was, about to be juggling these two girls. And my commitment to help Alexa get better was still weighing on me.
Isabel and I made plans to meet for lunch in my hometown at 1:30pm. She met me at a gyro place that served vegan food. The night before I had eaten steak fajitas as she ate vegan tacos. This time I was eating a chicken gyro and she ate a vegan falafel. I tried not to feel bad about eating meat in front of her. She said everyone did it and not to worry. But in the back of my mind I felt like I was being rude. I didn’t want to be everyone else. I figured if we worked out then maybe I would do something about that. She isn’t really vegan for health reasons. She is vegan because of animals. And that has always made me love her even more. Her veganism has always been very attractive to me. I feel the same way she does, but I don’t like many fruits and vegetables, so I always feel like I would end up 150lbs and starving if I was a vegan. I have went months being a vegetarian before. I even went the whole year of 2000 without eating beef, pork, or chocolate, just to test myself. That was pretty easy. But veganism is a whole other lifestyle. I’ve always been so proud of Isabel for that. It’s one thing that she shows tremendous strength with. I don’t know if I ever told her.
Minutes before this lunch date with Isabel on 12/5/19, Alexa was telling me that she was coming to live with me that night. I mentioned this to Isabel as we ate. While looking down at her food, she said she hoped I was happy and that everything worked out. I felt so bad, although I probably acted like I was some cool guy who had two pretty girls wanting him. I could tell she was hurt. It only turned me on more because I love to know when a girl cares. But this is one of the early moments that I regret. It had to make her feel like the #2 girl. I could have just not mentioned it and she wouldn’t have even known what happened. But that’s me, the jerk who purposely hurts people. I know it aided in some of her trust issues that were to come. You’re not supposed to rub things into someone’s face that you care about. But I still did it of course. Despite all of that, I told her that I didn’t expect it to work out and that I really liked her and I was interested in pursuing us.
We finished our food and I hugged and kissed her goodbye. I was hoping it wasn’t the last time I would see her. I loved just being near her. To this day I can still remember that feeling and the way it increased day after day. I miss that feeling more than anything. She doesn’t know how I’ve always felt inside when I was in her presence. I forgot to tell her those things sometimes. My ego would prevent me from looking too sensitive, especially at the beginning. She always has a re-energizing effect on me. I am empty now without it.
As Isabel and I drove off in different directions, Alexa was texting about meeting up. This went on for hours. Eventually she stopped at a Ross store. I quickly zoomed down to where she was. I hadn’t really seen her for a week or two. Nothing with her was ever exciting. Always calm and casual. When I arrived I’m thinking big hug and kiss. I think I got a half-ass hug and a quiet “Hi.” We went into the store and began walking around. We talked and flirted about her moving in and how things would be. She wanted a bunch of stuff and began piling it into the cart. We were in there for a couple of hours. The store was actually closing and they pushed us along. The final bill was over $400 of clothing and house items. We went to the parking lot and I put most of it into my vehicle. She put a bag or two in her car.
Then the fun started (sarcasm). It was about 10:00pm. She needed to get high before she made the trip to my house. We were about 45 minutes from my place and she said she needed to calm down or do whatever it is she does. Most of it consisted of her falling asleep while sitting in her car. I just pulled up in front of her watching this big waste of time. If you ever want to watch creepy behavior then just observe someone addicted to pills. Being completely drug and alcohol free gives me a perspective that is sometimes harsh. I always say I try not to judge, but that’s probably stretching the truth. We sat there and an hour went by. Then another. I was getting ticked off because I was just sitting in a parking lot. I kept telling her that we just need to get to my house and she can sit in the driveway or garage all she wants. But she couldn’t get that figured out. I texted Isabel to say goodnight. She responded with a “Good night” and a heart. I went to the store to get Alexa something to eat and drink. She assured me that she was almost ready but just needed to get something in her stomach now. We sat there another hour.
I don’t want to keep going with this part of the story because it’s silly. Although it was a huge moment that changed the direction of my life. I was almost living with Alexa. What would have happened with Isabel? I still think of this all the time. It was such a fork in the road of my life. Alexa sat there until about 2:00am. At that point I was yelling at her to get going. I gave her my address and told her to drive. Finally we headed north to go home. Halfway there she hopped off the freeway, did a U-turn in the middle of a no U-turn highway, then jumped back on the freeway going 90mph back the way we came. I followed. I tried calling and texting but she just sped away swerving and driving radical. I was worried about her, but I was also seeing that this was the end. This would be the end of Alexa and the beginning of Isabel. So I just followed her to get closure. She jumped off the freeway to the exact place we had left. She sped through neighborhoods and avoided me like a chase scene from a movie. Finally she pulled up at someone’s house. I parked and waited. Two thug guys came out of the house and up to my vehicle. They told me to leave her alone and I wanted to laugh. This was absolutely ridiculous. I told them to take care of her and I drove off. I did not text Alexa again.
The next day I texted Isabel to tell her that Alexa did not move in and that I was done with her. She was at work during these texts:
12/6/19. 9:52am
ME: Hey. She didn’t move in. Last night was a disaster. I need to see you. I need to kiss you. I need to taste you. And I need to be inside of you.
12/6/19. 1:35pm
ISABEL: Oh my gosh. Hey. I wasn’t expecting this but I’m pleasantly surprised and really turned on now
12/6/19. 1:36pm
ME: Mmmm. You turn me on every time I think of you.
12/6/19. 1:38pm
ISABEL: You’re making me wet… stop it!!
12/6/19. 1:38pm
ME: I want you to climb on my face. I want to taste your wetness so bad. I want you to cum for me. Hopefully we can see each other soon.
12/6/19. 1:40pm
ISABEL: Mmmm that sounds so hot. I’ll cum so hard for you
12/6/19. 1:42pm
ME: I know you probably don’t want this, but I want to cum deep in your pussy when you are cumming on my cock.
12/6/19. 3:47pm
ISABEL: Ugh I want it so bad…
12/6/19. 3:50pm
ME: Baby I want you really bad. I loved cumming in you. I felt connected to you.
12/6/19. 3:56pm
ISABEL: It felt so good when you came inside of me
12/6/19. 4:00pm
ME: I want you. It feels so amazing just being in you. Kissing you.
12/6/19. 4:21pm
ISABEL: I want you again bad
I want to make something clear. We didn’t always talk sexual. It happened mostly at the beginning because we had just started seeing each other. Although my sexual feelings never changed and only grew stronger, I toned it down later because I didn’t want her to think it was all about sex or that she was just an object to me. And I don’t want to exploit our conversations because they really meant a lot. I’m definitely not trying to portray Isabel in any negative way. I just love the way she would talk to me. I was thinking of editing this or leaving out the xxx parts, but some conversations are relevant to the story. I wanted to include the passion to show how we were feeling for each other. It was just less than 2 days after our first date and the beginning of our story.
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